“How can you stand your ground when everyone around you wants to bury you in it? You have to BELIEVE that they were wrong. They have to be wrong. Why else would we still be here? …We’re graduating members of the class of ‘We made it’.” (Shane Koyczan)
I find that it’s extremely easy to hate myself, everything I do, everything I stand for. It’s really easy to think that I’m not good enough, smart enough, funny enough, nice enough, sweet enough, thin enough, pretty enough. It’s really easy to think that I shouldn’t be allowed to continue living. But. I am. I’m here still. I tried to change that in the past. But I didn’t. I didn’t follow through. I didn’t do anything about it, even if I wanted to with most of my heart (fear stopped me numerous times). But something in the universe made it so that I didn’t. So that I have survived to this day. So that I’ve lived this life to this point. It’s really easy to hate all that about me.
But it’s so much more beneficial to look at it with a different spin.
“I will love myself despite the ease with which I lean toward the opposite” (from the ted talk with Shane Koyczan)
It’s so much more pleasant to realize all of the obstacles I conquered, all of the things that I’ve learned along the way, all of the chinks I’ve earned in my armor—that used to serve me well and give myself a kudos for a job well done. It’s not easy to dodge normal every day arsenal thrown at us through school—I managed to come out in pretty good form receiving it at home. I will love myself and respect myself for doing the best that I can. Because that really is all that I can expect from myself.
So so so so many times growing up, I heard that I shouldn’t fool myself into thinking that I’ll ever do anything worthwhile, that I shouldn’t be alive, that I don’t deserve to live. Well…I did…and I still am….so how right were they? And…I’m doing a pretty damn good job at learning new things—like having fun and loving.
I’m part of the graduating class of ‘We made it’—thankfully!