I’ve been doing so much emotional work on many different things that I’ve encountered. Every day, I’m very diligently working on some of the things that I’ve experienced in my childhood, and I’m also mixing in current events from my life that I struggle with. My saving grace in working through all of this is Byron Katie’s ‘the work’. It really IS work—amazingly rewarding work. I’ve noticed that it does become something of a habit. I’ve been working through events, thoughts, or situations within myself only for a month, but it’s been an amazing month. It’s really saving my life and saving me from suffering. I believe that in my heart.
So…you can go to thework.com and learn about it, but I’m going to address some of my favorite points about it here. Just because I think it’s amazing. I love talking about it.
One of my favorite quotes from Byron Katie is ‘when you argue with reality, you suffer….but only 100% of the time’ Oh my freakin gosh! Holy CRAP! I looked at every single situation that I could think of where I was hurting or resentful or angry or bitter or anything negative…..the root of each and every one of the negative feelings was ALWAYS the fact that I was arguing with reality! “It should be…” “It shouldn’t be…” “He should have said…” “WHOA! She SHOULD NOT have done…” I assigned myself with the responsibility of working through the feelings I had related to the should haves and any advice I would give to the perpetrator and I let it go. And I was ABLE to let it go. It felt peaceful to do the work and let it go.
One thing from Katie is her ‘judge your neighbor’ worksheet. You take a stressful thought, ask four questions (is it true? can you absolutely know that it’s true? How do you feel when you have that thought? Who would you be without that thought?) and then turn it around (to the negative, to the other person, to yourself).
So and so should be honest. “Is that TRUE?” Well sure. People should be honest! “Can you absolutely know that it’s true?” (and meditate on this question). How do I KNOW that that person isn’t relaying to me what they believe in their heart to BE THE TRUTH?
This one rocked my world: My mother didn’t want me. Yes I know that it’s true—she said it all the time. Wait…well…She also said a whole bunch of other things all the time that she didn’t actually mean. So….well….I guess I don’t ABSOLUTELY KNOW that it’s true. HOLY COW! OH MY GOD!
I didn’t even have to go through that whole worksheet to start to really let go of that pain I’ve had since I was a little girl. (I recognize now that I probably should do a worksheet because I think the turnaround would be an AMAZING journey)
Another one of my favorite parts to really focus on (I do this often with my better half) is “see that person, the person you’re judging. Look at them WITHOUT your thought, your judgment.” Oh my. I fall in love with him all over again and I don’t even have to actually be looking at him.
I was reading a silly little article on facebook and I thought that this was relevant to the part above about my mom. A quote that struck me (before I even got to the meat of the article…):
“There are many things in life that we DO owe our children. As parents, we owe them our unconditional love, respect, and endless forgiveness. They deserve a place to call home, food to keep them healthy, and an education that will help them later in life.”
‘An education that will help them later in life’. Well now. Hmmmm. School was easy for me, but I know that it wasn’t easy for everyone. Nowhere near easy for some people. And I didn’t really work that hard in college….but my school of life. WHEW! For whatever reason, my soul had me signed up for some pretty challenging classes. My family of origin….they were the teachers in that challenging school. It was a tough way to go…….it really was. I don’t know that I had my parents unconditional love or respect or forgiveness…..but I don’t know that 1 I needed it or 2 they had it to give.
I think that the lack of compassion that I had in my childhood home and being bullied and receiving so much anger and hatred did anything less than equip me with the amount of compassion that I feel oozing from my pores. When I’m acting in my truest nature, I feel that I’m extremely compassionate and understanding and patient (I know I know….it really doesn’t seem like I’m any of that when I’m not centered). The core of me is so sensitive and compassionate and loving and patient and generous. And I don’t think I would have even a fraction of that if I was receiving unconditional love and respect and forgiveness in my childhood home.
I think that I received from them absolutely everything that I needed to completely fulfill my soul purpose. I do have a little bit of extra baggage that I need to dispose of, but they gave me a gift. Maybe, one day, the letter that I do write to them will be a thank you note….a genuine thank you note for giving me what my soul needed.
I will close with tears of peace and joy and a ‘namaste’ (no mistake….)