I listened to her vows. They are a little more Christian-focused than I believe on a spiritual level, but it remains that I felt…..not alone….understood….a little less crazy. I didn’t realize that other people gave up the fight to prove that the other person really would walk away….just like everyone else.
I enjoy thinking of these parts of her vows:
Comfort is uncomfortable to someone more aquaint with pain than love.
I was a relentless unpredictable storm
So after getting tired of the fight, I decided to give it a try, just to prove to you that you, too, would leave just like my seed and die.
I lost my footing and I kept asking myself ‘who are you?’ While climbing the attractive mount Everest of your mind, I attempted to hike a little higher, to take a peek at your soul. I lost my footing on that trail, dangled off the cliff of the condition of your unconditional, and there is where I fell…in love, skydiving on the wings of your patience. Thank you for catching me with this love—it’s too much. This love is just way too much because you’re a smoldering volcano, erupting upon my arrival…sputtering lava, I mean hot lava, chasing me down, burning the pain of my past, scorching heat on the back of my heels. A fire that just screams ‘let me love you.’ I fell. I am consumed. I am overwhelmed. Did you know that I’m crazy?….It’s hard to breathe when anyone gets close. Stand close and just let me inhale your exhale. Stay close, even when I punch you with my words. Stay close, even when I cut you with my fears. Stay close. Look into my chilling eyes and remember; look at my bleeding knees and remember that I fell for you and it took me 33 years to let that pain die, so that new hope and new life could resurrect. You caught my tears like wilted, warn Bible pages, stored them up in bottles as a reminder that as long as I stay close to him, I will never thirst again….I was so comfortable cocooning
And I know they told you ‘good luck with her’….but your consistent love will make Ella stop having fits and put down her dukes.
I vow that at times I will fail you. I vow that at times I will fall short, but in failures and shortcomings I won’t tap out. I won’t give up….I vow not to buy into false romanticism, saying things like ‘you complete me’ because you don’t. To you and only you, today I give in. To you and only you, I submit