I’ve been considering and contemplating a statement. I’ve heard this phrase numerous times in the past year at the spiritual community I belong to. (‘Belong’ that’s such a good way to describe it)
“Everything is for you; nothing is against you.”
I was reminded of this sentence this past weekend, which amped up how much I’ve been thinking about it. Follow me through my thought process with it.
EVERYTHING is for you; NOTHING is against you. EVERYthing is FOR you; NO thing is against you. Everything is FOR YOU. FOR YOU! NO thing is against you. NOTHING is AGAINST you.
Everything is for you and nothing is against you. The universe doesn’t give anything to anyone that’s not for the greater good of that person. Does that sound crazy? Well perhaps….b/c there’s a lot of crap that flies around. But, you know, if you open yourself up to the simple possibility that this really could be true, it’ll help to realize that there is nothing that’s present where a lesson can’t be learned, strength can’t be gleaned. Every situation is there to cause it’s tiny little ripple effect in the world and teach, strengthen, put someone or something back on the right track. Will the person it’s intended for learn the lesson, gain the strength, or have their course be righted? That’s up to each individual person. But it has that POTENTIAL.
For the past…..decade….my entire life….? I’ve struggled. I have hated living. I have believed that life is a punishment.
Growing up, I was reminded frequently that I wasn’t wanted, that the day that it was discovered that my brother had a twin was what contributed to making January 20th the worst day for a number of years for my parents. I was reminded every time I screwed up or did something stupid, that I wasn’t worth living, that whatever I did resulted in wishes for me to cease to exist. I really can honestly say that I hated life. As a kid, I hated waking up every day because that meant that I hadn’t died in my sleep. I hated that my family didn’t celebrate happiness or accomplishments. I mean sure, we had the birthday celebrations, but there was a huge lacking in LIVING. I hated that I got, essentially bullied in my own home. I say that because it was beyond simple ‘sibling rivalry’ (which, the fact that ‘sibling rivalry’ is an accepted norm is a bit bothersome to me, but that’s a different conversation).
When I was 12, we moved in with my paternal grandmother. It was sad (for her, I mean), but also a sigh of relief for the survival instinct in me. Moving in with her meant that there was someone else to share in being in the crosshairs. It was constant with the ‘you should die.’ ‘she should die.’ ‘he should die.’ Plus. The fun of hearing my mom say that she was going to put this or that in the glass of my grandmother. At first it was to try to make my grandmother sick. Then it was attached to wishes (of my mom! not mine wishes!) that my grandmother ‘keel over already!’ My twin brother, my grandmother, and I were all the targets, depending on the mood of my mom and my sister (my dad lived there too, but he was mentally absent, engrossed in the TV when he was home…usually scrounging up all the overtime he could get at work). It was absolutely horrible. Constant yelling. Constant hating. Constant fighting. Constant hitting. Constant bullying.
Last year, I finally started to learn that EVERYTHING is FOR ME and NOTHING is AGAINST me. When I finally started to EMBRACE that, I started to accept all that in my youth as some sort of lesson to me; as something to make me stronger; as something that I needed to prepare me for the rest of my life. When I started to embrace that that hostility and hatred was serving some sort of beneficial purpose for me, I started to realize ‘Holy shit! Live is a beautiful gift that I’ve been given! It’s AMAZING to be here and to learn to love!’
I’m still learning. I’m still learning this whole ‘enjoy’ and ‘love’ thing. I’m still learning that ‘yelling and fighting’ is NOT the appropriate way to demonstrate genuine and true ‘PROFOUNDLY tender, passionate affection’. I still slip and fall back into old habits. Sometimes I do still fall back into the old thought patterns of “I’m a screw up, therefore I should cease to exist”….but as I continue to embrace ‘EVERYTHING is FOR me’, I continue to work on that and accept things as a learning experience, as an opportunity for growth, as a stepping stone.