The flower doesn’t look to its neighbor and wish it were as beautiful, as tall, as thin, as open.
I have four cats (yes … I know…. four is a lot….but I love them all) and none of them look to each other and say “I wish I had her tail” or “I wish I was playful and bounded all over the house like he does” or “I wish I had four legs, like the other three” (One of my cats is a three-legged rescue….who rescues me often and repeatedly….she’s one of my angels, I am confident of that…I wouldn’t doubt it if she knew it too)
A little chihuahua isn’t looking at a golden retriever or rottweiler wishing he was as big and strong and loud as them.
I really need to take some lessons from the flowers, trees, dogs, and cats around me. I compare myself to everything and nothing. My legs are too fat; my face is too round; I’m too stubborn; I’m too strong-willed; I think too much; I don’t play enough (well…that’s a good one to keep around, I think…); I’m not pretty enough; I’m not compassionate enough; Dammit! I didn’t think fast enough; I’m not good enough. She would be better in my shoes/situation/position/whatever than I am. If only I were ____.
I’m me. I used to be really fit, really serious about eating clean and working out, but life happened and I slipped off that bandwagon…sorta (sorta got dragged b/c I didn’t FULLY let go of it…just mostly). I have never been good with HAVING and not BEING emotions. I’m me. I’m the me that I’m supposed to be. I’m learning how to be the me I’m supposed to be down the road. I’m not supposed to be ‘her’ (whoever HER is). I’m not supposed to be in anyone’s shoes than my own. And no one else would be a better me than me!
I make mistakes. I screw up big time. Sometimes, my screw ups are far bigger in my imagination than in reality. I send stupid questions to doctors I want to constantly impress. I have a sweet treat here and there. I am weak when I get started, but so? I didn’t run my marathon the first time I got on the treadmill. I had to train for it. I had to do countless training runs where, some of them, I cut short. Some of them, I walked more than I ran. Some of them I did AMAZING on. I screw up, but I do my damnedest to learn from my mistakes.
That mysterious “HER” that I compare myself to….if she were in my shoes….she wouldn’t be perfect and without mistakes and screw ups and learning experiences either.
It really is ok…..to be me. To be ok with being me. It is ok to like my company, to learn from my mistakes (I’m still learning to laugh at them…). It really is ok to be a pretty flower, standing proud, in whatever direction to reach the most sunlight and not want to be other flowers in other places.